A grassroots fundraising effort has succeeded in raising $100 million for Israel so Americans won’t have to see the “Trump blowing Bubba” photos referenced in recently released Jeffrey Epstein emails. The GoFundMe campaign, titled Save Our Eyeballs, reached its goal in less than five minutes, a new record for online fundraising efforts.
“I really, really do not want to see those photos,” explained Edna Krum, an unemployed shoelace repair engineer from Bugtussle, Kentucky who donated the three dollars and twenty-eight cents that she had been planning to live on for the rest of the month. Other better-off Americans rushed to obtain instant online mortgages so they could donate their entire net wealth and then some in hopes of preventing photosensitive chemical reactions in their retinas from transmitting electrochemical patterns of the relevant imagery through their webs of interconnecting neurons beginning with the optic nerve in their eyes and extending to their visual cortexes.
“After more than two years of nonstop genocidal atrocities, we’ve already seen enough unimaginably horrific images coming out of Israel to nearly drive us mad,” explained a Save Our Eyeballs donor who opted to remain anonymous for fear of offending the ADL. “At this point, the Trump-Bubba photos would be too much for human beings to bear.”
“It’s something you could never, ever unsee,” added the anonymous donor’s 15-year-old nephew. “If Israel released those photos, my life and my friends’ lives would be pretty much over. I mean, I guess we could emigrate, but the shame of it would follow us to the ends of the earth.”
At a press conference in Washington, President Trump, questioned about the “Bubba” rumor, flew into a rage and performed a simulated lewd act on his microphone.
