The World Health Organization has dismissed conspiracists’ claims that Dolly Parton’s sudden metamorphosis into a turbocharged glob of writhing cancerous Pfizer-logo-imbued blood clots was somehow related to the COVID booster shot she had received just seconds earlier.
In a statement released Wednesday, the WHO claimed that sudden transformations into glumps of wormy squirming metastasizing blood clots that all say “Pfizer” on them are not uncommon, and that they have nothing to do with the COVID vaccinations that inevitably precede such clotomorphoses.
Asked how the WHO can be so sure that there is no link between the clotomorphosis phenomenon that killed Parton and the jab, WHO president Dr Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus explained: “There just isn’t. There couldn’t be. Vaccines, especially experimental ones that alter your DNA, are perfectly safe, and anyone who says otherwise is a conspiracy theorist who was banned from social media at least five years ago.”
Meanwhile, the CDC denied reports that Robert Kennedy Jr. corpse-napped Parton’s writhing Pfizer clots and drove around with them in his car for hours before dumping them in Central Park, while 20th Century Studios likewise denied claims that director Ridley Scott has purchased the rights to the turbocharged glob of Parton clots for use in a sequel to his Alien film trilogy.
