“Rich Men North of Richmond” was a hard act to follow. What’s Oliver Anthony going to do for an encore? https://youtu.be/rRyuhlvG9gM?si=zccXW1MzCtbWuqns
Read MoreBarbie Doll from Barbados
Tag: satire
Ex-Intel Officials: Teenage Hookers, Laptop, Ukrainian Payoff and Cocaine Found at White House Doesn’t Belong to Hunter Biden
It’s Probably Just Russian Disinfo, Say the Experts Dissociated Press More than 50 former intelligence officials have signed a letter casting doubt on reports that the two teenage hookers, incriminating laptop, pile of Ukrainian-sourced cash, and spilled cocaine found yesterday at the White House has anything to do with Hunter Biden. Instead, they say, the story “has all the classic…
Read MoreTrump, Kennedy Struck Down by “Magic Bullet”
Experts say improbable trajectory was purely coincidental Dissociated Press The simultaneous assassinations of leading 2024 presidential contenders Donald J. Trump and Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has stunned the nation. Perhaps inevitably, conspiracy theories have been circulating on social media almost as fast as they can be removed by trust-and-safety experts. All scientists and fact-checkers agree that those conspiracy theories are…
Read MorePentagon Killer AI Experiment Works—Too Well
Dissociated Press Informed sources report that yesterday the Joint Chiefs of Staff turned over all command-and-control functions to the Frontier supercomputer in the Pentagon basement running an AI program called Terminal Terminator. Unfortunately, the AI was programmed to “kill evildoers.” Within microseconds of being switched on, the program had begun seizing control of US military assets and using them to…
Read MorePentagon Reveals Chinese Spy Balloon Was “Weaponized Hyperinflated Condom”
Dissociated Press A Pentagon spokesperson reported Wednesday that the Chinese spy balloon shot down off South Carolina last week was a “Weaponized Hyperinflated Condom” (WHC) that posed a serious threat to America’s national virility. According to the report, the Chinese have developed a new polymer-layering nanotechnology that can be sprayed on the outside of an ordinary condom, giving it incredible…
Read MoreBiden, Trump Used Classified Docs as Toilet Paper – Report
Dissociated Press President Biden and former President Trump are facing Justice Department investigations after security camera footage surfaced showing both men using classified documents as toilet paper. In the wake of the revelations, based on footage from restroom security cameras installed by multiple agencies including the CIA, NSA, FBI, ADL, and ASPCA, Attorney General Merrick Garland has appointed former Justice…
Read MoreSantos Attacks “Anti-Semitic Holocaust-Denying Homophobes” Who Are Badgering Him to Resign
Dissociated Press Republican Congressperson George Santos lashed out yesterday at the growing chorus calling on him to resign. Speaking at an impromptu press conference at Foneys Club in Lower Manhattan, Santos said that anyone who doubts that he is a gay Jewish Holocaust survivor is an “anti-Semitic Holocaust-denying homophobe.” Santos pointed out that according to woke (TM) identity politics, people are…
Read MoreBill Gates: “COVID Vaccines Are The Final Solution.” ADL: “That’s Anti-Semitic!”
https://youtu.be/LCcvzPW9CKs Dissociated Press The Anti-Defecation League has demanded that Bill Gates apologize for calling COVID vaccines “the Final Solution.” At a press conference in Basel, Switzerland, ADL chief Jonathan Greenbutt read a prepared statement flaying Gates for his insensitivity to Jewish suffering. “There is only one Final Solution,” Greenbutt intoned, “and that is the sacred six-million-victim big-H Holocaust. If Bill Gates…
Read MoreStrip Club Owners Demand Apology From Tucker Carlson
They don’t appreciate Fox News host comparing them to Zelensky Dissociated Press The Strip Club Owners of America, the industry’s leading Washington lobby, has demanded that Fox host Tucker Carlson apologize for what they called his “vile” comparison of them to Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky. “I don’t care if he’s the president of war-torn Timbuktu, this guy is a sleazeball,…
Read MoreQatar Doesn’t Have Enough Genders to Host a World Cup
Video link Qatar has lots of money, talent, stadium space, hotels, and airport runways. But it’s missing something important. It doesn’t have enough genders to host a World Cup. Can you imagine holding an athletic event in a country that only recognizes two genders? Don’t they know that “male” and “female” are passé, oppressive, and supremacist? Haven’t they heard that…
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