In a White House press conference this morning, US President Donald Trump demanded that Iran allow Jeffrey Epstein to select its new Supreme Leader.
“If Iran picks a leader who has never raped 13-year-olds in front of Mossad spy cameras, Bibi will force the US back into war in a few years,” Trump explained.
Asked how Epstein could participate in the selection process given that he supposedly hanged himself, Trump chortled. “Jeffrey is alive and well, I can assure you. He’s living in a specially-outfitted Iranian-missile-proof child-rape-bunker in Tel Aviv. He can fly to Tehran at a moment’s notice with underage sex slaves and cameras, lighting equipment, sex toys, viagra, and other essentials for filming Iranian leaders raping children, just like he filmed me.”
Trump ordered Iran not to appoint the late Supreme Leader’s son, Mojtaba Khamenei, who has been profiled by US and Israeli intelligence as someone who would never rape children in front of Mossad spy cameras.
Trump said the US and its Israeli masters have long been grooming candidates for leadership positions in Iran, adding: “But most of them are dead. The Iranians keep executing them when they get caught raping children. Can you imagine! The Iranians are crazy. What a bunch of losers. They’re a vicious group of terrible people. The Middle East and the world won’t be safe until Iran has leaders who rape children for Israel like ours do.”
In Tehran, a spokesman for the Council of Experts responded by texting a photo to the White House. The photo is currently being studied by the intelligence community in hopes that it will yield clues about whether the Iranians might be open to Trump’s Epstein overtures.
