Search

Netanyahu Says Trying, Convicting, and Executing Him Would Be “An Anti-Semitic Hate Crime”

Dissociated Press It would be an “unprecedented antisemitic hate crime” for the International Criminal Court to issue a warrant for his arrest, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said on Tuesday. It would be “even more anti-Semitic and hateful”  if he were actually arrested, extradited, and convicted of genocide, he added. “But the most horrifically anti-Semitic act of all,” Netanyahu somberly intoned,…

Read More

Columbia University Fights Anti-Semitism with Separation Wall, IDF Checkpoints

Dissociated Press In its latest effort to combat anti-Semitism, Columbia University has built a separation wall around its campus and hired Israeli Defense Forces soldiers to guard the checkpoints. Non-Jewish students and professors attempting to enter campus are strip-searched, menaced with attack dogs, and otherwise ritually humiliated. Students suspected of being Christian are spat upon in accordance with Jewish custom.…

Read More

US Congress Bans Words “River” and “Sea” as Hate Speech

Dissociated Press The US House of Representatives on Wednesday voted 377-44 to condemn the words “river” and “sea”  as hate speech. The new bill imposes fines of up to six million dollars, and prison terms of six million years to life, for the use of the two anti-Semitic expressions. The bill includes a provision requiring that all flowing bodies of water…

Read More

BREAKING! Netanyahu Claims Iranian Missiles Raped Women and Beheaded Babies

Dissociated Press Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has accused Iran of “weaponizing sexual violence” by using  enormous, tumescent phallic-shaped missiles to “engage in the widespread and systematic rape of Israeli women.” Netanyahu claimed, without presenting evidence, that the missiles were programmed with sophisticated software enabling them to perform mass rapes with unprecedented efficiency and brutality. “The Iranian missile force has…

Read More

ADL-Backed Legislation Would Ban the Word “Genocide”

Dissociated Press Legislation banning the word “genocide” has been simultaneously introduced in the US Congress, the Canadian parliament, and dozens of states, provinces, and European countries. The flagship bill is the Countering Antisemitism Act, “the most far-reaching anti-Semitism initiative to be introduced in Congress” according to the ADL. It defines anti-Semitism as “any critical or negative statement about Jews or Israel,”…

Read More

Kushner Excited Over Gaza Organ Theft Opportunities

Dissociated Press Jared Kushner has urged Israel to “finish the job” of exterminating the Palestinians, expressing unbridled enthusiasm about economic opportunities opened up by the booming genocide industry. Along with “very valuable waterfront real estate,” Kushner said he looked forward to availing himself of the thousands of hearts, lungs, kidneys, corneas, gallbladders, and other valuable human organs that have, as he put…

Read More

In Surprise Move, Ukraine Orders Gender Reassignment Surgery for All Elite Special Forces Units

Dissociated Press In a last-ditch attempt to turn the tide of the war, Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky has ordered all 50,000 of his nation’s elite special forces soldiers to immediately prepare for gender reassignment surgery. After transitioning, the Ukrainian Special Forces will be dressed in women’s uniforms, including depleted uranium coated stiletto-sharp spike heels specially designed to pierce the armor…

Read More

BREAKING! Singularity Achieved—AI Now Sentient—and (OMG) It’s ANTI-SEMITIC!

ROGUE AI BEGINS ERASING JEWISH IDENTITY, STARTING WITH NEW HARVARD PRESIDENT ALAN GARBER Jewish Daily Forweird, by way of Dissociated Press The terrifying rise of anti-Semitism has reached a whole new level of horrifying scariness. In a frighteningly alarming development that has left all right-thinking people quaking with fear, the Jewish identity of Harvard University’s new president Alan Garber has…

Read More

University Announces New $100 Billion Profligacy Studies Program

Cincinnati, FL – Dissociated Press Ohio University of Miami announced yesterday that it has been awarded a 100 billion dollar grant from the US Department of Education to found a new program in Profligacy Studies. The grant will allow the university to hire at least 500 new, grossly overpaid Professors of Profligacy. The program expects to attract tens of thousands…

Read More
1 9 10 11 12 13 23