US Secretary of State Anthony Blinken touched down this morning in Doha, Qatar, to negotiate the release of Americans held by Hamas. Shortly before Blinken’s speech, it seems that the Emir of Qatar, Sheikh Tamim bin Hamad Al Thani, dosed the US Secretary of State’s coffee with scopolamine, colloquially known as “truth serum.” Below is a text of Blinken’s speech.…
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“Rich Men North of Richmond” was a hard act to follow. What’s Oliver Anthony going to do for an encore? https://youtu.be/rRyuhlvG9gM?si=zccXW1MzCtbWuqns
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It’s Probably Just Russian Disinfo, Say the Experts Dissociated Press More than 50 former intelligence officials have signed a letter casting doubt on reports that the two teenage hookers, incriminating laptop, pile of Ukrainian-sourced cash, and spilled cocaine found yesterday at the White House has anything to do with Hunter Biden. Instead, they say, the story “has all the classic…
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A “Golden Opportunity” for Restorative Justice Dissociated Press After demanding that state lawmakers ban the arrest and prosecution of people who violate laws against public urination, California’s reparations task force has upped the ante by calling for financial rewards for public urinators. Under the proposed Pay2Pee program, anyone descended from enslaved people could claim a $500 reward for each act…
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Experts say improbable trajectory was purely coincidental Dissociated Press The simultaneous assassinations of leading 2024 presidential contenders Donald J. Trump and Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has stunned the nation. Perhaps inevitably, conspiracy theories have been circulating on social media almost as fast as they can be removed by trust-and-safety experts. All scientists and fact-checkers agree that those conspiracy theories are…
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Dissociated Press Informed sources report that yesterday the Joint Chiefs of Staff turned over all command-and-control functions to the Frontier supercomputer in the Pentagon basement running an AI program called Terminal Terminator. Unfortunately, the AI was programmed to “kill evildoers.” Within microseconds of being switched on, the program had begun seizing control of US military assets and using them to…
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Dissociated Press A Pentagon spokesperson reported Wednesday that the Chinese spy balloon shot down off South Carolina last week was a “Weaponized Hyperinflated Condom” (WHC) that posed a serious threat to America’s national virility. According to the report, the Chinese have developed a new polymer-layering nanotechnology that can be sprayed on the outside of an ordinary condom, giving it incredible…
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Dissociated Press Commenting on the world’s largest gathering of high-end prostitutes at the WEF meeting in Davos, former US Senator John Kerry let slip that some of the hustlers have come from the far ends of the galaxy to service the self-styled human elite: “When you start to think about it, it’s pretty extraordinary that we – an elite group…
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Dissociated Press President Biden and former President Trump are facing Justice Department investigations after security camera footage surfaced showing both men using classified documents as toilet paper. In the wake of the revelations, based on footage from restroom security cameras installed by multiple agencies including the CIA, NSA, FBI, ADL, and ASPCA, Attorney General Merrick Garland has appointed former Justice…
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Dissociated Press A South Carolina Republican Congressman is introducing a resolution that would, if passed, force the US National Parks Service to replace Washington, DC monuments and memorials with tributes to Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky. The resolution was introduced by Rep. Joe Wilson, R-S.C., on Monday and would direct the Park Service to replace the Lincoln Memorial and the Jefferson…
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