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Trump hires Russian whores to piss on McCain’s grave — report

Dissociated Press According to a new Trump–Russia dossier, President Trump has already hired a team of Russian prostitutes to urinate on the freshly-dug grave of Senator John McCain. The new “Schpiel Dossier,” compiled during the past 24 hours by a high-level MI-6 source, includes decrypted transcripts of Trump’s latest conversations with Russian mob boss Semion Mogilevich. According to the report, Trump…

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Subjexuals Rights Movement Recognized at University of Minnesota

“Use the FIRST PERSON pronoun when referring to us, or else!” Dissociated Press The University of Minnesota has become the first American campus to recognize the rights of subjexuals, a class of oppressed persons who identify as first person pronouns. The decision modifies the previous policy, under which students were only allowed to choose from a list of third person…

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ISIS threatens Alex Jones: “Grow that beard longer or WE WILL BEHEAD YOU!”

Dissociated Press Is ISIS plotting an attack on Alex Jones? In a new video released by Rita Kuntz of SHITE Intelligence Group, a vicious-looking villain with a big black bushy shariah-compliant beard brandishes a glittering scimitar and inveighs against the popular talk show host’s “pathetic scruffy little attempt to produce facial hair.” “While we appreciate Alex’s decision to convert to…

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Trump issues permanent pre-emptive self pardon

(Dissociated Press) In a long-anticipated move, Donald Trump announced today that he has permanently and pre-emptively pardoned himself for all crimes he has committed, is in the process of committing, is currently planning, or may commit in the future. Speaking at an impromptu press conference at Russian Mafiya headquarters on the top floor of Trump Tower, Trump added that he…

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Trump Renegotiates Iran Deal!

The signatories to the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action (JCPOA), better known as the Iran nuclear deal, announced yesterday that they have found a way to “fix” the deal to make it acceptable to US president Donald Trump. Iranian Foreign Minister Zarif explained: “After lengthy Twitter discussions with the White House, we learned that Trump had only one real objection…

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Spielberg urges mandatory holocaust education theme parks

Expanding his recent call for mandatory holocaust education, Edward Bernays Award-winning filmmaker Steven Spielberg yesterday demanded that the US government build thousands of Holocaust World theme parks. “They would basically be like Jurassic Park, taking you back in time and terrifying the living daylights out of you,” Spielberg explained. He added that instead of killer dinosaurs, the parks would feature…

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Introducing…the DUMBPHONE

“What it is, see, is…well, it looks just like a Smartphone, except it’s really, REALLY dumb.” By Kevin Barrett, VT Editor Here at VT we’re always trying to figure out how to make a quick buck… …without selling our souls to the avaricious avatars of ultimate evil. Easier said than done. Some of us have set up little side-businesses. Gordon…

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