Dissociated Press The ADL (Anti-Defecation League) today issued a statement in response to the recent debate over Israel’s “Right to Rape” movement. Jonathan Greenbutt, ADL CEO and National Director, issued the following statement: ADL is concerned by the recent surge of antisemitism displayed by those who would deny Israel the right to practice its own cultural and religious heritage by subjecting…
Read MoreTag: satire
Netanyahu Gets Three-Month Standing Ovation in Congress
Shatters record previously held by Jesus WASHINGTON D.C. (October 24, 2024) – Precognitive Press One week before Hallowe’en, the hundreds of Congressional representatives who had been giving Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu a standing ovation since July 24 finally stopped applauding and sat down. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, Netanyahu’s ovation easily shattered the previous record…
Read MoreRepublicans Wear Brain Bandages to Express Solidarity with Trump
Dissociated Press Following Donald Trump’s “magic ear shot” publicity stunt, millions of his supporters are wearing “brain bandages” symbolizing their gullible acceptance of the wildly improbable story. By gluing feminine hygiene products to their ears, the Trumpsters indicate that they have undergone brain-removal surgery and believe everything Trump and the media tell them. The ear bandages symbolically suggest that the…
Read MoreBREAKING! Trump Shot on Stage AGAIN—Pulls “Magic Bullet” Out of Ass
Dissociated Press Donald Trump has been shot once again for the second time in less than a week. The latest shooting took place at today’s Trump rally in Colon City, Michigan. Trump was struck in the rear by a bullet fired by a gunman who clambered onto the stage, unhurriedly assembled his rifle, and conspicuously assumed a firing position, while…
Read MoreWhat 10 Countries Would You Recommend Visiting that Will Change Your Life?
For politics and current events conversations, skip this silly post and go straight to today’s live radio interviews with Alan Sabrosky and Peter McCullough, and tomorrow’s False Flag Weekly News with E. Michael Jones. * When I was a kid I enjoyed Mad Magazine’s “Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions.” Then I hit puberty and graduated to the vintage 1970s-era National…
Read MoreNYT Urges Biden to Die, Run as Corpse
Dissociated Press In a break with its long tradition of supporting living candidates, the New York Times Editorial Board has urged President Biden to “just go ahead and die already.” In an opinion piece on Friday, the Times wrote that “the greatest public service [Biden] can now perform is to expire of natural causes, and then announce that he will…
Read MoreNow We KNOW Saudis Are Dumping Petrodollar
Biden to Draft Women, But Promises “No Booties on the Ground”
Dissociated Press In a passive-aggressive effort to cross Vladimir Putin’s red lines without really crossing them, President Biden has announced that the US will begin drafting women and sending them to the Ukraine war front. On its face, the move would seem to cross a Russian “red line.” Moscow has made it clear that if the US sends active-duty troops…
Read MoreAntisemitism Is Pervasive and Ubiquitous Throughout Universe, Says Jewish Physicist
Dissociated Press Dr. Franck Einshtein, Director of Harvard University’s Jeffrey Epstein Institute for the Investigation of Fundamental Physical Forces, has announced the discovery of a fifth fundamental force, which he terms the antisemitism force. “Until this morning, it was believed that the universe is shaped by only four fundamental forces: gravity, electromagnetism, the strong nuclear force, and the weak nuclear…
Read MoreIntergalactic Holocaust Remembrance Committee: Forget the Parking Lot! Earth to Be Demolished to Make Way for Holocaust Museum
Dissociated Press The Intergalactic Holocaust Remembrance Committee (IHRC) has announced that Earth will be demolished next Tuesday at 11 a.m. to make way for the construction of a new Intergalactic Holocaust Museum. Prostetnic Vogonowitcz Jeltzstein, president of the IHRC and de facto ruler of the universe, announced the news in a message simultaneously broadcast to every audio device on Earth:…
Read More