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Dangerously Low Antisemitism Levels Threaten Life on Earth -Report

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press Karolinska University’s Atmospheric Antisemitism Society of Stockholm (AASS) has issued an alarming report highlighting the gravity of the threat posed by declining levels of atmospheric antisemitism. According to the report, atmospheric antisemitism has declined from its post-Enlightenment average of 280 antisemites per million (APM) to a new low, as of June 2024, of only 220 antisemites per million.…

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Dick Cheney Unveils New 1% Doctrine, Plots “Global War on Trump”

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press Dick Cheney, George W. Bush’s former handler, has updated his 1% Doctrine and announced a Global War on Trump (GWOT). “In our nation’s 248-year history, there has never been an individual who is a greater threat to our republic than Donald Trump,” Cheney said Friday. “If there is even a one percent chance that he could regain the…

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My Cat Has an Antisemitism Problem

Kevin Barrett

Dear Cathy the Cat Therapist, My cat Snoodles has an antisemitism problem. When I watched Schindler’s List last night Snoodles showed no interest whatsoever. So to test her, I said: “Holocaust!” No response. “Hitler!” “Gas chambers!” “White nationalists!” Nothing. “Hamas!” “Islamic terrorism!” “Roasted babies!” Snoodles just yawned. Is there anything I can do about this embarrassing situation? Sincerely, Eva in…

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All of Her Co-Workers “Died Suddenly”

Kevin Barrett

But it took her four days to notice Dissociated Press When Laticia Cuggles clocked into work late Monday morning, the Wells Fargo office in Widowsburg, Wyoming seemed quieter than usual. Cuggles assumed that co-workers slumped in their swivel chairs or apparently napping, heads on their desks, were just recovering after a long, eventful weekend. It wasn’t until Thursday that Cuggles…

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I Had a Dream About This Election

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press As I woke up this morning I vaguely remembered having some kind of dream about the US presidential election. As I lay there half-awake half-asleep trying to reconstitute it, this is what came to me: The doorbell rang. The good news is that it wasn’t the Jehovah’s Witnesses. The bad news is that a pollster of indeterminate age,…

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Radical Muslims Target Taylor Swift Concerts “Out of Pity for the West”

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press A radical Muslim terror group has claimed responsibility for a series of planned attacks on Taylor Swift concerts. The notorious jihadist organization Islamic-American Muslims For All Kinds of Explosions (IAMFAKE) issued a statement yesterday explaining the motivation behind its odd campaign against a pop culture icon. “We used to spend our days and nights hatching devious and dastardly…

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Democrats Rebrand as “Party of Freedom (From)”

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press At the Democratic Convention in Chicago this morning, the party’s Freedom Caucus unveiled a bold new initiative rebranding the Democrats—formerly viewed as the commissars of the hectoring nanny state and the murderous torturing genocidal spooks of the authoritarian national security state—as “The Party of Freedom.” Freedom Caucus chairperson Libertas Libertas, an individual who freed themselves from their real…

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Bullet That Nicked Trump’s Ear Found on Stretcher at Parkland Memorial Hospital

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press The mysterious July 13 Trump shooting in Butler, Pennsylvania grew slightly less mysterious this morning, as the FBI announced that it has finally located the bullet that struck former President Donald Trump’s right ear. As it turns out, there was a very good reason why the bullet could not be found at the Butler Farm Show location where…

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Israel Sweeps Anal Rape Competition at Paris Olympics

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press Peretz Putzenschlubb defended his title in the men’s ten meter forcible sodomy competition, giving his team an unprecedented sweep in the anal rape medals at the Paris Olympics. Putzenschlubb, a mainstay of the Sde Teiman Prison Rape Squad, defeated his teammates Schlemiel Shtuppenberg and Schlemozzel Shtuppenshtein by pursuing and raping a designated victim after a 6.1 meter chase,…

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ADL: “Right to Rape” Is a Jewish Value—Critics Are Antisemitic

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press The ADL (Anti-Defecation League) today issued a statement in response to the recent debate over Israel’s “Right to Rape” movement. Jonathan Greenbutt, ADL CEO and National Director, issued the following statement: ADL is concerned by the recent surge of antisemitism displayed by those who would deny Israel the right to practice its own cultural and religious heritage by subjecting…

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