Cincinnati, FL – Dissociated Press Ohio University of Miami announced yesterday that it has been awarded a 100 billion dollar grant from the US Department of Education to found a new program in Profligacy Studies. The grant will allow the university to hire at least 500 new, grossly overpaid Professors of Profligacy. The program expects to attract tens of thousands…
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BBC by way of Dissociated Press The BBC has seen and heard evidence of the murder of six million Jews in gas chambers during the 7 October Hamas attacks. WARNING: CONTAINS EXTREMELY GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF GAS CHAMBERS AND RELATED ATROCITIES Several people involved in collecting and identifying the bodies of the six million Jews killed in the attack told us they…
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Demands That It Be Banned From Social Media Dissociated Press The Anti-Defecation League (ADL) has issued a press release demanding the banning of the expression “God’s mercy” from social media. According to the ADL, the notion that God is merciful, and the associated idea that mercy is good, is “a direct attack on Jews and their beliefs.” The press release…
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Dissociated Press In the illustrious culmination of his 100-year career, Henry Kissinger arrived in Hell today and was immediately appointed Satan’s National Security Advisor. Kissinger will spend the rest of eternity devising futile diplomatic ruses and stratagems aimed at enhancing Hell’s nonexistent chances of defeating Heaven. At a press conference announcing the appointment, Satan said that even though he knows…
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Elon Musk, reeling from an anti-Semitism scandal, has upped the ante. In a sit-down interview posted online by the Israeli Government Press Office, Musk clearly stated that the world has no choice but to kill six million Israeli Jews. Here is the quote, word-for-word: “There’s no choice but to kill those who insist on murdering civilians.” 90% of the Israeli…
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Dissociated Press Bills introduced yesterday in the Florida State Legislature and US Congress would outlaw references to the Palestinian Holocaust—and make Palestinian Holocaust denial mandatory. Under the federal bill, supported by President Biden, violators would be fined up to one million dollars and imprisoned for up to 30 years. The Florida bill, written by allies of Governor Ron DeSantis, imposes…
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US Secretary of State Anthony Blinken touched down this morning in Doha, Qatar, to negotiate the release of Americans held by Hamas. Shortly before Blinken’s speech, it seems that the Emir of Qatar, Sheikh Tamim bin Hamad Al Thani, dosed the US Secretary of State’s coffee with scopolamine, colloquially known as “truth serum.” Below is a text of Blinken’s speech.…
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“Rich Men North of Richmond” was a hard act to follow. What’s Oliver Anthony going to do for an encore? https://youtu.be/rRyuhlvG9gM?si=zccXW1MzCtbWuqns
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It’s Probably Just Russian Disinfo, Say the Experts Dissociated Press More than 50 former intelligence officials have signed a letter casting doubt on reports that the two teenage hookers, incriminating laptop, pile of Ukrainian-sourced cash, and spilled cocaine found yesterday at the White House has anything to do with Hunter Biden. Instead, they say, the story “has all the classic…
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Experts say improbable trajectory was purely coincidental Dissociated Press The simultaneous assassinations of leading 2024 presidential contenders Donald J. Trump and Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has stunned the nation. Perhaps inevitably, conspiracy theories have been circulating on social media almost as fast as they can be removed by trust-and-safety experts. All scientists and fact-checkers agree that those conspiracy theories are…
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