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Schlemiels Denounce Rising Antischlemitism

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press The Association of Schlemetic Schlemiels has announced the formation of a new Antischlemitism Initiative tasked with clumsily and ineptly attempting to hold back the ineluctably rising tide of antischlemitism. At a botched press conference, ASS president Schlomo Schlemielstein accidentally knocked over the podium, which landed squarely on Schlomit Schlimazel’s foot. As Schimazel loudly denounced Schlemielstein and schlemiels in…

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US, UK Add “Genocide Perpetrators” to Protected Category List

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press In the wake of a musical act’s discriminatory hate speech targeting the Israeli Defense Forces, the US and UK governments have issued a joint statement making genocide perpetrators a protected category. Both governments’ new, amended protected category list now reads as follows: Categories of People You Aren’t EVER Allowed to Be Mean to, or Even Critical of,  in…

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BarSchlemiel Sports Owner: Let’s Make Antisemitism TABOO!

Kevin Barrett

Guest op-ed for Dissociated Press By Dave Porschenoy, Owner, BarSchlemiel Sports Can you imagine the horrors of a world in which people feel free to make fun of rich, pushy Jews like me? Or, even worse, criticize us for committing gen*cide? Don’t laugh. That world could be coming a lot sooner than you think…unless we all unite to make antisemitism…

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Antisemitism in Ireland Reaches “Medieval Levels” —Report

Kevin Barrett

Quora Q: Do you agree with the 2024 survey that Christian anti-semitism in Ireland is at “medieval” levels? A: Absolutely! I understand that the Irish have built a huge apartheid wall around Ireland, like Israel’s only bigger, and are using medieval-style catapults to launch Jews at the immigrants swarming toward Irish shores. “Jewish cannonballs” launched from Ireland have been battering…

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Trump: Harvard Must Increase Jewish Overrepresentation or Lose Billions in Federal Funding

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press President Donald Trump has ordered Harvard University to increase its current 1000% overrepresentation of Jewish students to “at least a million gazillion percent” or lose nine billion dollars in federal funds. “We must fight antisemitism at Harvard by ensuring that Jews become even more grossly overrepresented than they already are,” Trump announced in a joint press conference with…

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RFK Jr. Launches Health Campaign Against “Antisemitism Plague”

Kevin Barrett

Dissociated Press Calling antisemitism a “deadly and virulent pestilence” that is “comparable to history’s most deadly plagues“, Health and Human Services chief Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has declared a public health emergency and announced a “warp speed rollout” of mRNA vaccines. “Antisemitism is worse than bubonic plague, leprosy, anthrax, botulism, and chicken pox all rolled into one,” Kennedy announced at this…

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