Dissociated Press Following Israel’s demand for $250 billion in reparations from Arab nations, the World Jewish Congress (otherwise known as WorldJewCon, or WJC) has upped the ante, demanding an additional $500 trillion in persecution reparations from the entire world. WJC spokesman Rob Sheisterstein announced the demand from his royal penthouse suite atop the Hotel President Wilson in Geneva, Switzerland. (The…
Read More
Dissociated Press President Donald Trump, profoundly shocked to the very core of his being by a vulgarity uttered about him by Rep. Rashida Tlaib, has issued a statement begging Rep. Tlaib, and all other Americans, to “stop being so vulgar.” “We must eschew all forms of vulgarity,” Trump solemly intoned from his White House pulpit. The august, esteemed, and decorous…
Read More
Dissociated Press The National Association of Preschoolers (NAP) has issued a statement urging all American university professors to enroll in a new remedial sex education program. The preschoolers will be offering “gender clarity for eggheads” classes at pre-kindergarten educational institutions nationwide beginning in January. NAP spokestoddler Sally S. explained: “Grown-ups are so silly. Some grown-ups don’t know boys have…
Read More
Dissociated Press Responding to a report that Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan had compared him to Donald Trump, Satan has issued an angry statement demanding an apology. At a heavily-attended press conference (hell is full of journalists who are forced to attend press conferences for all eternity) the Prince of Evil inveighed against Farrakhan for making an unfair and hurtful…
Read More
I recently heard that someone fact-checked my article Kavanagh converts to Judaism to save Supreme Court nomination: Circumcision ceremony scheduled for noon tomorrow at National Cathedral. My friend D got an email from his Christian Zionist friend T as follows: D, I’ve done a fact check on the claim that Kavanagh is to convert to Judaism and I could find no credible…
Read More
Circumcision ceremony scheduled for noon tomorrow at National Cathedral Dissociated Press In the latest shocking turn of events in an increasingly twisted saga, embattled Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanagh has announced his impending conversion to Judaism. Speaking at a hastily-convened press conference on the Capitol steps, Kavanagh said he will undergo a conversion ceremony, including a public circumcision by top…
Read More
Riyadh, “Saudi” Arabia Dissociated Press In a major breakthrough for women’s rights in the desert kingdom, Clown Prince Bin Salman (BS) has issued an edict proclaiming that henceforth women will have full and equal rights to be beheaded. “There is no place in a modern, air-conditioned country like ours for archaic relics of the medieval past,” BS announced at a…
Read More
“Use the FIRST PERSON pronoun when referring to us, or else!” Dissociated Press The University of Minnesota has become the first American campus to recognize the rights of subjexuals, a class of oppressed persons who identify as first person pronouns. The decision modifies the previous policy, under which students were only allowed to choose from a list of third person…
Read More
Dissociated Press Is ISIS plotting an attack on Alex Jones? In a new video released by Rita Kuntz of SHITE Intelligence Group, a vicious-looking villain with a big black bushy shariah-compliant beard brandishes a glittering scimitar and inveighs against the popular talk show host’s “pathetic scruffy little attempt to produce facial hair.” “While we appreciate Alex’s decision to convert to…
Read More
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSxjdaspvLI Super-patriot Kevin Barrett, who sacrificed his academic career for the Constitution, interviews Jill Gonzalez of WalletHub.com about the relative patriotism of various American states. See: https://wallethub.com/edu/most-patriotic-states/13680/
Read More