Dissociated Press A Florida man is in prison, and his grandchildren have been expelled from school, in the wake of the FBI’s first major crackdown on illicit Dr. Seuss books. Benjamin B. Bicklebaum, 73, of Tarpon Springs, Florida was arrested last night after a SWAT team raid uncovered what authorities called “an extremely disturbing collection of extremist literature.” Bicklebaum, who…
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Dissociated Press In a stern warning to the American public, COVID czar Anthony Fauci said this morning that masking, social distancing, small business shutdowns, job losses, media fearmongering, oligarch profiteering, Orwellian censorship and surveillance, and his own fifteen minutes of fame will continue forever, because the crisis will not end until at least 110% of the population is vaccinated. “Think…
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By Kevin Barrett, Veterans Today Editor As philosophy professor Sterling Harwood and I agreed during the final minutes of FFWN (watch the video and check out story links HERE) it is truly heartwarming to see the way Iran’s Supreme Leader, Imam Ali Khamenei, has fondly wished Trump a happy and carefree retirement. The Iranian rahbar tweeted an image of an…
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Dissociated Press In a new video posted in an obscure corner of the darkweb, President Donald Trump congratulates himself on his world-record second impeachment, then vows to achieve an even more impressive third impeachment during his remaining five days in office. “Only two other presidents in history have been impeached even once,” Trump gloats. “I did it twice. Now get…
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Dissociated Press Donald Trump stunned the nation this morning by unveiling what he called “absolute proof” the election was stolen. Trump produced Michael Connell II, the GOP’s Voting Machine Adjustment Czar, who swore on a Satanic Bible that he had rigged the machines to produce a narrow Trump victory in key swing states, along with a close enough election nationwide…
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Dissociated Press President Donald Trump has announced his new “herd immunity” plan to defeat the pandemic: A breakfast cereal made of GMO corn, high-fructose corn syrup, COVID-19 virus, and glyphosate and other artificial flavors. “If every child in America ate a bowl of CoronaFlakes every morning,” the President tweeted yesterday, “we could achieve herd immunity in less than two weeks.…
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Dissociated Press An obscure, totally-overlooked provision of the new National Defense Appropriation Act unanimously passed by both houses of Congress yesterday has surreptitiously merged the FBI, CIA, NSA, DIA, DHS, CDC, FAA, ICE, PTA, NBA, NFL, MLB, and USA into a new overarching bureaucracy called DCS: The Department of COVIDland Security. DCS is tasked with “seizing and administering total and…
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Dissociated Press Guest Editorial by Dick Flaccidopholous, Director, Foundation for Undermining Conspiracy Theories (FUCT) What is your purpose in life? Why do you log in to the office every day? What talking points do you use to convince powerful people with money to give you some? Here at the Foundation for Undermining Conspiracy Theories we have a simple but elegant…
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Dissociated Press California Governor Gavin Noisome has ordered a statewide mandatory blindfolding policy to help slow the spread of coronavirus. Noisome’s Executive Odor 666-666 requires all citizens to wear blindfolds as well as masks whenever they leave their homes, and revokes all health and religious exemptions from masking and blindfolding. “Studies show that when you blink, your eyelashes scatter tiny…
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Dissociated Press In a stirring statement sure to lift the flagging spirits of America’s tens of millions of unemployed people, Ivanka Trump has reminded them that there are still plenty of worms, insects, garbage, and other free food sources available. “All it takes is some good old fashioned American gumption, creativity, and can-do spirit,” Ivanka said at the press rollout…
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