Which Proves There Is No Such Thing as “Irish Power” Dissociated Press Leonard Meyers, 29-year-old power forward for the Alaska Cool, has been traded to Siberia, where he will clean toilets for a new Russian NBA franchise for five years to atone for shouting an anti-Irish slur while playing a video game. Myers found himself embroiled in controversy earlier this…
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Dissociated Press Five White House advisors who used marijuana in the past, but have given it up in the present and vowed not to partake in the future, have been ignominiously booted from the Biden Administration. Press Secretary Jen Psaki explained: “The President (cough, cough) wants only fully-qualified stoners—people who are truly high on America, and who are smoking weed…
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Dissociated Press A Florida man is in prison, and his grandchildren have been expelled from school, in the wake of the FBI’s first major crackdown on illicit Dr. Seuss books. Benjamin B. Bicklebaum, 73, of Tarpon Springs, Florida was arrested last night after a SWAT team raid uncovered what authorities called “an extremely disturbing collection of extremist literature.” Bicklebaum, who…
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Dissociated Press In a stern warning to the American public, COVID czar Anthony Fauci said this morning that masking, social distancing, small business shutdowns, job losses, media fearmongering, oligarch profiteering, Orwellian censorship and surveillance, and his own fifteen minutes of fame will continue forever, because the crisis will not end until at least 110% of the population is vaccinated. “Think…
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Dissociated Press Residents of Norra Begravningsplatsen, Solna, Sweden were awakened this morning to a tremendous explosion. Many assumed there had been an accident with a gas main, while others feared a terrorist attack. The latter group’s apprehensions proved well-founded. The explosion, which destroyed much of the Norra Begravningsplatsen cemetery, turned out to be the world’s first posthumous suicide bombing: Alfred Nobel’s corpse…
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By Kevin Barrett, Veterans Today Editor As philosophy professor Sterling Harwood and I agreed during the final minutes of FFWN (watch the video and check out story links HERE) it is truly heartwarming to see the way Iran’s Supreme Leader, Imam Ali Khamenei, has fondly wished Trump a happy and carefree retirement. The Iranian rahbar tweeted an image of an…
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Dissociated Press President Joe Biden has confirmed that he received a “welcome to the White House” letter from his predecessor Donald Trump, telling reporters from the Oval Office that the note was “very generous.” “The president wrote a very generous letter,” Biden said. “Because it was private, and included a bribe offer, I won’t talk about it until I talk…
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Dissociated Press In a new video posted in an obscure corner of the darkweb, President Donald Trump congratulates himself on his world-record second impeachment, then vows to achieve an even more impressive third impeachment during his remaining five days in office. “Only two other presidents in history have been impeached even once,” Trump gloats. “I did it twice. Now get…
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Dissociated Press In a joint press conference this morning America’s two biggest vaccine makers, Moderna and Pfizer, announced that they have begun manufacturing a combined total of ten billion doses of a new vaccine against vaccine hesitancy. “Currently almost half the population is vaccine hesitant,” explained Moderna-Pfizer Cartel spokesperson Prixley “Prix” Needleman. “Obviously there is no point in making COVID-19…
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Dissociated Press President Donald Trump last week asked senior aides what possibilities he had for performing fellatio on Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, The New York Times reported Monday. Citing four current and former US officials, the paper reported that the meeting occurred in the Oval Office on Thursday. The source said Trump asked his highest-ranking national security advisers whether they…
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