“Give me Greenland so I can rub my pudgy little fingers all over her steamy, tropical little tundra mounds!”
Read MoreTrump: “I Need Greenland! I Absolutely HAVE to Have It!”
Tag: satire
Piers Morgan vs. Nick Fuentes Dust-Up: Succinctness Serum Brings Out the Gist
We watch TV so you don’t have to.
Read MoreTrump Declares War on Drugs
Dissociated Press After pardoning the world’s biggest drug trafficker Juan Orlando Hernandez, President Donald Trump celebrated yesterday by joining Hernandez aboard an Air Force One jet filled with cocaine, heroin, LSD, amphetamines, barbiturates, fentanyl, ecstasy, ketamine supplied by Elon, a thousand cases of Diet Coke, and a half-ton of bufotenine-laden cane toads. The two dopeheads ingested copious quanties of mind-altering…
Read MoreBin Salman Carves Trump’s Thanksgiving Turkey with Chainsaw
Dissociated Press US President Donald Trump has raised eyebrows by accepting Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman’s invitation to Thanksgiving dinner at the Saudi Embassy in Washington, DC. Trump approvingly noted that the 200-pound genetically modified turkey was “yuuuuge,” necessitating the use of a chainsaw rather than a standard carving knife. As the Saudi leader revved up his chainsaw and…
Read MoreVision Exam
That’s too bad. It looks like you aren’t qualified for a vision license.
Read MoreTrump Prepares to Invade Norway, Seize Nobel Peace Prize
“The president is outraged that the Nobel Committee slighted him in favor of María Corina Machado…”
Read MoreYe Sacrifices Foreskin to Appease Wrath of Yahweh
Though this is at least the third time Ye has blubbered pathetic apologies for his antisemitism, it is the first and only time he has offered his foreskin to Yahweh…
Read MoreSchlemiels Denounce Rising Antischlemitism
Dissociated Press The Association of Schlemetic Schlemiels has announced the formation of a new Antischlemitism Initiative tasked with clumsily and ineptly attempting to hold back the ineluctably rising tide of antischlemitism. At a botched press conference, ASS president Schlomo Schlemielstein accidentally knocked over the podium, which landed squarely on Schlomit Schlimazel’s foot. As Schimazel loudly denounced Schlemielstein and schlemiels in…
Read MoreChristians Flock to Israel for Spit Baptisms
“Immersion in Jewish spit washes Christians clean and removes the sin of antisemitism.”
Read MoreNetanyahu Denies Killing Three Qatari Diplomats in Rigged Car Crash
Netanyahu argued that the “insane” rumors, like the accident itself, the Charlie Kirk assassination, and so on, were all Qatar’s fault.
Read More