Though this is at least the third time Ye has blubbered pathetic apologies for his antisemitism, it is the first and only time he has offered his foreskin to Yahweh…
Read MoreYe Sacrifices Foreskin to Appease Wrath of Yahweh
Tag: satire
Schlemiels Denounce Rising Antischlemitism
Dissociated Press The Association of Schlemetic Schlemiels has announced the formation of a new Antischlemitism Initiative tasked with clumsily and ineptly attempting to hold back the ineluctably rising tide of antischlemitism. At a botched press conference, ASS president Schlomo Schlemielstein accidentally knocked over the podium, which landed squarely on Schlomit Schlimazel’s foot. As Schimazel loudly denounced Schlemielstein and schlemiels in…
Read MoreChristians Flock to Israel for Spit Baptisms
“Immersion in Jewish spit washes Christians clean and removes the sin of antisemitism.”
Read MoreNetanyahu Denies Killing Three Qatari Diplomats in Rigged Car Crash
Netanyahu argued that the “insane” rumors, like the accident itself, the Charlie Kirk assassination, and so on, were all Qatar’s fault.
Read MoreTrump touts DedBeds, calls them “ultimate health breakthrough”
Dissociated Press Yesterday on Truth Social, the president of the United States shared a video purporting to be a segment on Fox News in which an A.I.-generated, deep-faked version of himself sat in the White House and promised that “every American will soon receive their own DedBed card” that will grant them access to new “DedBed mortuaries.” “DedBeds are the…
Read MoreHegseth Assembles US Generals, Admirals to Be Raptured Next Tuesday
The Pentagon has been drafting new regulations clarifying whether officers who fail the Army Physical Fitness Test are still eligible for rapture.
Read MoreCharlie Kirk’s Resurrection Scheduled for Next Sunday
“After singlehandedly solving his own assassination to the satisfaction of everybody, Kirk 2.0 will be annointed Messiah…”
Read MoreHow I Survived the Holocaust—And Lived to Tell About It
By Mordecai Putz, Certified Scuba Diving Instructor, for Dissociated Press My name is Mordecai Putz. I run the Putz Diving School in New Jersey. Unfortunately hardly anybody wants to dive in Newark Bay. I get that. It’s a Superfund site. The good news is that the government pays me not to dive there. You know, the same way they pay…
Read MoreTrump Appoints Walter Sobchak to Lead War on Nihilism
Dissociated Press US president Donald Trump has appointed Walter Sobchak, best known for his cameo appearances in The Big Lebowski, to head the Department of Homeland Security’s new Nihilistic Violent Extremism Response Team. According to the FBI, the threat of nihilistic violent extremism (NVE) has been rising as people lose faith in everything and turn to horrific extortion plots against…
Read MoreTrump Moves Nuclear Subs to “Shores of Moscow”
Dissociated Press In a pointed riposte to Russian nuclear threats, US President Donald Trump has ordered America’s nuclear submarine fleet to the “shores of Moscow.” Trump’s move was a response to former Russian President Medvedev’s threatening tweet: Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth conveyed Trump’s order to the Joint Chiefs of Staff, who explained that Moscow doesn’t have any shores, but…
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