Dissociated Press Informed sources report that the world will be ending in a few minutes for reasons that few would have dreamed possible. Earlier today, former US President Donald J. Trump was divested of his office after Vice President J.D. Vance and a majority of Trump’s cabinet declared in writing to Congress that Trump is a narcissist lunatic suffering from…
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“Strait is open, Shah’s in charge, Iranians disarmed, oil cheap, I’m a genius” Dissociated Press
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“If Iran picks a leader who has never raped 13-year-olds in front of Mossad spy cameras, Bibi will force the US back into war in a few years,” Trump explained.
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“Give me Greenland so I can rub my pudgy little fingers all over her steamy, tropical little tundra mounds!”
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We watch TV so you don’t have to.
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Dissociated Press After pardoning the world’s biggest drug trafficker Juan Orlando Hernandez, President Donald Trump celebrated yesterday by joining Hernandez aboard an Air Force One jet filled with cocaine, heroin, LSD, amphetamines, barbiturates, fentanyl, ecstasy, ketamine supplied by Elon, a thousand cases of Diet Coke, and a half-ton of bufotenine-laden cane toads. The two dopeheads ingested copious quanties of mind-altering…
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Dissociated Press US President Donald Trump has raised eyebrows by accepting Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman’s invitation to Thanksgiving dinner at the Saudi Embassy in Washington, DC. Trump approvingly noted that the 200-pound genetically modified turkey was “yuuuuge,” necessitating the use of a chainsaw rather than a standard carving knife. As the Saudi leader revved up his chainsaw and…
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That’s too bad. It looks like you aren’t qualified for a vision license.
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“The president is outraged that the Nobel Committee slighted him in favor of María Corina Machado…”
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Though this is at least the third time Ye has blubbered pathetic apologies for his antisemitism, it is the first and only time he has offered his foreskin to Yahweh…
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