He knows everything, except how to get the Strait of Hormuz open.
Read MoreTrump: “Nobody Knows More About Knowing More About Everything Than I Do!”
Category: Satire
Pete Hegseth Declares Victory
“Strait is open, Shah’s in charge, Iranians disarmed, oil cheap, I’m a genius” Dissociated Press
Read MoreTrump Wants Epstein to Pick Iran’s New Supreme Leader
“If Iran picks a leader who has never raped 13-year-olds in front of Mossad spy cameras, Bibi will force the US back into war in a few years,” Trump explained.
Read MoreMachado Gives Trump Her Nobel Piece-of-Sh*t Prize
“If this sh*t continues, nobody will take the Nobel Piece-of-Sh*t Prize seriously ever again!”
Read MoreTrump: “I Need Greenland! I Absolutely HAVE to Have It!”
“Give me Greenland so I can rub my pudgy little fingers all over her steamy, tropical little tundra mounds!”
Read MorePiers Morgan vs. Nick Fuentes Dust-Up: Succinctness Serum Brings Out the Gist
We watch TV so you don’t have to.
Read MoreTrump Declares War on Drugs
Dissociated Press After pardoning the world’s biggest drug trafficker Juan Orlando Hernandez, President Donald Trump celebrated yesterday by joining Hernandez aboard an Air Force One jet filled with cocaine, heroin, LSD, amphetamines, barbiturates, fentanyl, ecstasy, ketamine supplied by Elon, a thousand cases of Diet Coke, and a half-ton of bufotenine-laden cane toads. The two dopeheads ingested copious quanties of mind-altering…
Read MoreBin Salman Carves Trump’s Thanksgiving Turkey with Chainsaw
Dissociated Press US President Donald Trump has raised eyebrows by accepting Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman’s invitation to Thanksgiving dinner at the Saudi Embassy in Washington, DC. Trump approvingly noted that the 200-pound genetically modified turkey was “yuuuuge,” necessitating the use of a chainsaw rather than a standard carving knife. As the Saudi leader revved up his chainsaw and…
Read MoreVision Exam
That’s too bad. It looks like you aren’t qualified for a vision license.
Read MoreAmericans Send Israel $100 Million So They Won’t Have to See Trump-Bubba Photos
Dissociated Press A grassroots fundraising effort has succeeded in raising $100 million for Israel so Americans won’t have to see the “Trump blowing Bubba” photos referenced in recently released Jeffrey Epstein emails. The GoFundMe campaign, titled Save Our Eyeballs, reached its goal in less than five minutes, a new record for online fundraising efforts. “I really, really do not want…
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