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Mossad Dresses Up as Muslims, Throws Glenn Greenwald Off Roof

Dissociated Press In an operation hailed by pro-Zionist media as “audacious,” “breathtaking,” and “sensational,” Israel’s intelligence service has outed openly homosexual journalist Glenn Greenwald as homosexual—and then thrown him off a roof for good measure. The operation opened with Unit 8200 posting “Glen Greenwald is gay” on the internet, while real world operatives scribbled the same formula, along with variations…

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James Comey Finds More Cool Seashells

Dissociated Press Former FBI Director James Comey claims he just happened upon yet another cool arrangement of seashells yesterday while innocently walking on the beach, whistling nonchalantly with his thumbs in his swimsuit pockets. Critics charge that the seashells spell out a threatening message. But Comey insists the shells randomly arranged themselves into artistic form due to the action of…

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BarSchlemiel Sports Owner: Let’s Make Antisemitism TABOO!

Guest op-ed for Dissociated Press By Dave Porschenoy, Owner, BarSchlemiel Sports Can you imagine the horrors of a world in which people feel free to make fun of rich, pushy Jews like me? Or, even worse, criticize us for committing gen*cide? Don’t laugh. That world could be coming a lot sooner than you think…unless we all unite to make antisemitism…

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BREAKING! German Intel Chief’s Star of David Tie Designed by Unit 8200

Dissociated Press Thomas Haldenwang, head of Germany’s domestic intelligence service BfV, has been raising eyebrows by appearing in public wearing a tie covered with Stars of David, the Israeli national symbol. Some observers have interpreted Haldenwang’s sartorial chutzpah as a gesture of solidarity with Israel’s “right to rape” movement. But German intelligence sources have now revealed the tie’s real significance:…

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Israel Admits Targeting “Antisemitic” Greta Thunberg

Dissociated Press An Israeli spokesperson has admitted that the Israeli strike on the aid ship Conscience in international waters off Malta was intended to kill the “antisemitic Hamas-adjacent” climate activist Greta Thunberg. At this morning’s IDF press conference, the excitable Sharren Haskel, Israeli Deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs, explained that Thunberg was an even worse antisemite than anyone had realized.…

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IPPCCC: World on the Brink of “Catastrophic Global Jewing”

Dissociated Press The world is likely to pass a dangerous political-cultural threshold within the next 10 years, pushing the planet past the point of catastrophic Jewing — unless nations drastically transform their economies and media and immediately transition away from Jewish control, according to one of the most definitive reports ever published about political-cultural climate change. The report released Monday…

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Antisemitism in Ireland Reaches “Medieval Levels” —Report

Quora Q: Do you agree with the 2024 survey that Christian anti-semitism in Ireland is at “medieval” levels? A: Absolutely! I understand that the Irish have built a huge apartheid wall around Ireland, like Israel’s only bigger, and are using medieval-style catapults to launch Jews at the immigrants swarming toward Irish shores. “Jewish cannonballs” launched from Ireland have been battering…

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Trump Administration Adapts Ancient Persian Method to Decide Whether to Attack Iran

Dissociated Press The Trump Administration, at the behest of Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu, has announced that it will “get shitface drunk” before deciding whether to bomb Iran’s nuclear facilities. The unusual decision-making technique, appropriately enough, is an adaptation of the ancient Iranian method, recorded by Herodotus, of debating big decisions twice: once drunk and once sober. Netanyahu, during his recent…

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US Offers Free Tour of ICE Facilities to Attract Tourists and Foreign Students

Dissociated Press In a new project spearheaded by what’s left of the US Commerce, Education, and State Departments, the government is offering foreign tourists and students “a free all-expenses-paid tour of ICE detention facilities” in hopes of attracting them to America. “We’ve taken a huge economic hit from tourist and student cancelations,” explained Dierdre McDogbreath, Undersecretary of Miscellaneous Affairs and…

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