I’ve been deplatformed from Facebook, Youtube, Patreon, and Stripe. I stopped getting invited on RT when its CEO was beaten to death with a baseball bat and a new anti-9/11-truth management was installed. And Fox News quit bringing me on almost 20 years ago. But yesterday one of America’s biggest and most venerable platforms offered me a paid position! I just…
Read More
Dissociated Press US President Donald Trump has ordered the Department of Homeland Security to deport “anyone who believes in the Democrat-invented Jeffrey Epstein hoax, wants the so-called Epstein Files released, or even mentions the name Jeffrey Epstein.” Trump’s order, issued in a rambling late night tweet, will require DHS to obtain lists of “Epstein terrorists” from Palantir and send masked…
Read More
Dissociated Press Attorney General Pam Bondi called a press conference this morning to announce that Jeffrey Epstein’s client list has been located. She said she had accidentally misplaced it on her cluttered desk, under a crumpled grocery list beside a scanner, partially hidden by a charging station with tangled cords and devices. As Bondi started to read the names on…
Read More
Dissociated Press White House sources announced this morning that the Jeffrey Epstein mystery has been solved, and that everyone can go back to doing whatever they were doing before they learned that most American leaders, including President Trump, are blackmailed pedophiles. In a joint press conference with President Trump, Attorney General Pam Bondi claimed that the “missing minute” from the…
Read More
Dissociated Press According to a White Horse Souse interviewed by Poof! Magazine, US President Trump will avenge his recent loss to Iran by dropping billions of tons of marshmallows on Iranian nuclear sites. The top secret operation, codenamed Operation Midnight Marshmallow, aims to render Iran’s nuclear sites unusable by engulfing them in a sticky, gooey, sickeningly sweet morass of spongy…
Read More
Dissociated Press In the wake of a musical act’s discriminatory hate speech targeting the Israeli Defense Forces, the US and UK governments have issued a joint statement making genocide perpetrators a protected category. Both governments’ new, amended protected category list now reads as follows: Categories of People You Aren’t EVER Allowed to Be Mean to, or Even Critical of, in…
Read More
Dissociated Press Donald Trump said yesterday that his National Intelligence Director, Tulsi Gabbard, “is wrong” in her assessment that Iran is not building a nuclear weapon. He then fired Gabbard, issued an executive order abolishing the office of National Intelligence Director, and replaced it with the new office of National Stupidity Director. “Only an unbelievably stupid advisor will advise me…
Read More
Dissociated Press In a shocking new development that could lead to World War III and the end of the world as we know it, President Donald Trump announced that he is dropping MOABS (the Mother of All Bullshit) on Iran. “I will be dropping bullshit on Iran THE LIKES OF WHICH NOBODY HAS EVER SEEN BEFORE!!!” Trump tweeted, truthsocialed, and…
Read More
Dissociated Press David “Dadi” Barnea, chief of the Israeli Mossad, has issued a chilling threat to Sen. Ted Cruz in the wake of Cruz’s humiliation on the Tucker Carlson show. During the Carlson interview, Cruz admitted that he knows nothing whatsoever about Iran, and probably couldn’t even find it on a map, but wants to send Americans there to die…
Read More
Dissociated Press An individual posing as the son of the former Shah of Iran, and calling on Iranians to support Israel’s assault on their country, has been exposed as an obscure Venezuelan con-man named Juan Guaidó. Guaidó first surfaced in Caracas in 2019, where he somehow succeeded in convincing rich foreigners that he was the president of Venezuela. After swindling…
Read More