Dissociated Press US President Donald Trump has raised eyebrows by accepting Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman’s invitation to Thanksgiving dinner at the Saudi Embassy in Washington, DC. Trump approvingly noted that the 200-pound genetically modified turkey was “yuuuuge,” necessitating the use of a chainsaw rather than a standard carving knife. As the Saudi leader revved up his chainsaw and…
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That’s too bad. It looks like you aren’t qualified for a vision license.
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Dissociated Press A grassroots fundraising effort has succeeded in raising $100 million for Israel so Americans won’t have to see the “Trump blowing Bubba” photos referenced in recently released Jeffrey Epstein emails. The GoFundMe campaign, titled Save Our Eyeballs, reached its goal in less than five minutes, a new record for online fundraising efforts. “I really, really do not want…
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“The president is outraged that the Nobel Committee slighted him in favor of María Corina Machado…”
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Though this is at least the third time Ye has blubbered pathetic apologies for his antisemitism, it is the first and only time he has offered his foreskin to Yahweh…
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Dissociated Press The Association of Schlemetic Schlemiels has announced the formation of a new Antischlemitism Initiative tasked with clumsily and ineptly attempting to hold back the ineluctably rising tide of antischlemitism. At a botched press conference, ASS president Schlomo Schlemielstein accidentally knocked over the podium, which landed squarely on Schlomit Schlimazel’s foot. As Schimazel loudly denounced Schlemielstein and schlemiels in…
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“Immersion in Jewish spit washes Christians clean and removes the sin of antisemitism.”
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Netanyahu argued that the “insane” rumors, like the accident itself, the Charlie Kirk assassination, and so on, were all Qatar’s fault.
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Dissociated Press Yesterday on Truth Social, the president of the United States shared a video purporting to be a segment on Fox News in which an A.I.-generated, deep-faked version of himself sat in the White House and promised that “every American will soon receive their own DedBed card” that will grant them access to new “DedBed mortuaries.” “DedBeds are the…
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The Pentagon has been drafting new regulations clarifying whether officers who fail the Army Physical Fitness Test are still eligible for rapture.
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