Netanyahu argued that the “insane” rumors, like the accident itself, the Charlie Kirk assassination, and so on, were all Qatar’s fault.
Read MoreNetanyahu Denies Killing Three Qatari Diplomats in Rigged Car Crash
Category: Satire
Trump touts DedBeds, calls them “ultimate health breakthrough”
Dissociated Press Yesterday on Truth Social, the president of the United States shared a video purporting to be a segment on Fox News in which an A.I.-generated, deep-faked version of himself sat in the White House and promised that “every American will soon receive their own DedBed card” that will grant them access to new “DedBed mortuaries.” “DedBeds are the…
Read MoreHegseth Assembles US Generals, Admirals to Be Raptured Next Tuesday
The Pentagon has been drafting new regulations clarifying whether officers who fail the Army Physical Fitness Test are still eligible for rapture.
Read MoreTrump Pardons Jews Who Killed Kirk, Christ
Dissociated Press Drawing on his now-unlimited presidential powers, President Donald J. Trump has issued unconditional pardons to “the Jews who killed Charlie Kirk and Jesus Christ.” “For Jews, killing anyone they want is a religious duty,” Trump explained as he lifted his beloved golden pager to his ear to make sure it wasn’t ticking. “The First Amendment guarantees freedom of…
Read MoreNetanyahu’s 28th “I Did NOT Kill Charlie Kirk” Video Finally Convinces Somebody
Rumble link Bitchute link Dissociated Press After 27 failed attempts to convince somebody—anybody—that he didn’t kill Charlie Kirk, Benjamin Netanyahu’s 28th video denial has finally gotten some traction. “My Starlink service came back on after my grandson in Oslo paid my bill, so I went online and saw Netanyahu say he didn’t kill someone named Charlie Kirk,” explained Torkil Jaanitsk…
Read MoreCharlie Kirk’s Resurrection Scheduled for Next Sunday
“After singlehandedly solving his own assassination to the satisfaction of everybody, Kirk 2.0 will be annointed Messiah…”
Read MoreHow I Survived the Holocaust—And Lived to Tell About It
By Mordecai Putz, Certified Scuba Diving Instructor, for Dissociated Press My name is Mordecai Putz. I run the Putz Diving School in New Jersey. Unfortunately hardly anybody wants to dive in Newark Bay. I get that. It’s a Superfund site. The good news is that the government pays me not to dive there. You know, the same way they pay…
Read MoreTrump Appoints Walter Sobchak to Lead War on Nihilism
Dissociated Press US president Donald Trump has appointed Walter Sobchak, best known for his cameo appearances in The Big Lebowski, to head the Department of Homeland Security’s new Nihilistic Violent Extremism Response Team. According to the FBI, the threat of nihilistic violent extremism (NVE) has been rising as people lose faith in everything and turn to horrific extortion plots against…
Read MoreTrump Moves Nuclear Subs to “Shores of Moscow”
Dissociated Press In a pointed riposte to Russian nuclear threats, US President Donald Trump has ordered America’s nuclear submarine fleet to the “shores of Moscow.” Trump’s move was a response to former Russian President Medvedev’s threatening tweet: Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth conveyed Trump’s order to the Joint Chiefs of Staff, who explained that Moscow doesn’t have any shores, but…
Read MoreWalt Disney Company Wants Me to “Push Boundaries and Innovate”
I’ve been deplatformed from Facebook, Youtube, Patreon, and Stripe. I stopped getting invited on RT when its CEO was beaten to death with a baseball bat and a new anti-9/11-truth management was installed. And Fox News quit bringing me on almost 20 years ago. But yesterday one of America’s biggest and most venerable platforms offered me a paid position! I just…
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